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Why Are So Many Successful Black Women Single? Lets take a look!
Forty-two percent of U.S. black women have never been married, double the number of white women who’ve never tied the knot.
For starters, there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. So even if every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn’t make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man.
Let’s take 100 black men. By the time you eliminate those without a high school diploma (21 percent), the unemployed (17 percent) and those ages 25-34 who are incarcerated (8 percent), you have only half of black men, 54 percent, whom many black women find acceptable.
Me being a black man, I think a black woman will be more successful in landing a good black man if she would stop acting like she is more than what she really is. Be yourself. Just because a black woman makes a 6 figure salary doesn’t mean she is better than a black man that only makes a 5 figure salary. I have noticed that it seems to be a bit hard for a black woman to deal with a black man that doesn’t make a 6 figure salary like she does. There are far fewer black men making 6 figure salaries than white men. I would love to have a meaningful relationship with a black woman that makes 6 figures. But when you really get down to it, the money doesn’t matter to me. My concern would be could I be treated as an equal, (not inferior), simply because she earns more than me. I like a black woman that’s attractive with a pretty smile, smart, carries herself like a lady, sexy, sensual, willing to my friend, eventually my lover and have a sense of independence. Those attributes really get my attention.
Be yourselves ladies. You are smart and intelligent. You know when you are in the company of a poot-butt. However, all of us black men are not in the same barrel. Please, give us a break.
old saying –
“courage without calculation is stupidity.”
One of the lesson taught to the educated is discretion.
@Zen S – keep your mouth shut!
Black Man
The Black culture is f*&^ up. No sense of family from the black males. Call women hoes, dress like a dealer and don’t be like “Whitey” and get a good job because then you are “working for the man”. A whole generation of blacks grew up without a father figure in the house, myself included. Who’s fault is that “whitey’s”, Reagan’s? It is our fault and we are responsible. Get over the hurdle of the last sentence first, before we move on to the current topic. I hope I marry a hard working successful man who never, I could care a less about his color.
I hope that things change cause it seems that this issue will never be solved….. @jay IF BLACK WOMEN was soo bad why back in slavery u had ur white women why did u go out and cheat and have half breeds by us!!!!!! only a thought but I feel that white men are scared to of us they are intimidated by who we are they still live in the day were they didnt want women to vote and u know black women demand respect.. black women get it together date outside ur race and with ur black men lets lift our community up
Well, I must say that there is a huge double standard here. I’m a single, black female with Masters level education. I’ve been married to a black man (equally educated yet a mommas boy), but we are divorced now. I have chosen to be single and only date outside the black race at this point because of the following reasons: 1. I’m selective. 2. A lot of black men are not educated to the level that I am. 3. A lot of black men are in jail, been to jail, or headed there. 4. Some are down-low or gay at a high rate. 5. Many are abusive 6. Black men only make up a small amount of the population, so the chances of getting a bad one is very high. 7. White men make up a large percentage of the population, so the chances are better that I’ll get a good one. So why settle for a black man just because he’s black? I’m not hard up. I could be married tomorrow if I wanted to. I figure why not build on myself in terms of things that I can bring to the table and be able to combine success with success? Color is really not the main issue, but I just don’t want to be in a mismatched relationship in terms of emotional stability, financial security, etc. Statistically speaking, a black man is not the answer to this problem as you all call it…I call it a choice!
Interesting topic- it seems that one cant escape this vibe anywhere.. but I’ll add my 2 cents.
Lem- just like you, I took quite a few Black history classes- where the professor called us aside and gave us a tip.. that its usually harder for Black people taking this class because we are not open enough- and too objective. We were 4 in one class- i Was the only one that dint share (i thought since Im from Kenya- but widely travelled) that sort of sensitivity but true to form as much as we loved the lessons it was the hardest to pass. Fast forward to now.. and i see again some shared links n stuck in myopic objectivity. Im not one to play blame games.. but if you have a culture..thats conditioned against each other.. to fight against each other.. e.g women who “kill their own snakes..” coz their guys appear not bothered about the situation.. we will get that can-do-ness that becomes the “I-dont-need-a-man- kinda attitude” On the other hand.. hey if we dont need the men.. why are they trying so hard to get attention from us when they can get it just outside our door?
SO thats where i see it.. Really high expectations (nothing wrong with that) but we maintain that objectivity.. making many men that come across us.. as pretty and financially able as we are.. question their manhood and their mental health.. coz we want you to be everything.. and if you fall short 1 out of a 100 things in our list.. its “on to the next one”
Personally having dated across cultures- i feel for my brothers.. we dont appreciate them enough.. it may be hard being black and a woman.. but if your a Black man.. the whole world is on your shoulders. If i lose my job- my guy still feels obliged to put food on the table and will stretch everything just so that im comfortable. If he loses his.. Jeezus.. My family and friends at one stage may have an intervention for me.. “What are You Doing with a guy thats- lost his job, is addicted to drugs, doesnt go to church, has 2 babies outside marriage, is too dark, isnt of the same social standing, is in the wrong industry, has been driving the same car for the last 10 years, is too short, too fat, is balding, drinks too much, hangs out with unsavoury types, has had a few run ins with the law???” when behind closed doors, when we put off the phones and all the noise and disregard the 20% we ALL fall short off he is actually a cool cat, an amazing man, father, lover and provider..
All in all whatever colour.. if he’s good to you, if it feels good and real.. thats what matters.
My heart goes out to black men still- “Who will weep for the boy” here in Kenya, UK, US- we put soo much on them.. and even at home.. no acceptance no peace. They are better for it- dating into any other culture..then seeking acknowledgement, appreciation and worth in other unsavoury fashions.
Ok. Ok. First things first. These 4 women come across as 4 fake sistas any black eligible guy can see. From their hair weaves to the styles to their talk. Any eligible guy can see through many of these kinds of women. The fact that they are ‘lowering’ their standards is a sign of how twisted and fake their lives were. Soon that bubble will burst then they will be old single women..how pathetic, while the guys they ignored/snubbed/trashed will be happy with their real/genuine loving ladies.
Now this issue is unique to U.S black woman. As an African, I think black men should advocate for polygamy. Thats right. Sounds odd, but its an age-old tradition even biblically sanctioned and in a mans DNA followed in most African, Islam and Orient traditions. Then men should be held accountable. No liberal welfare system. You pop a baby, you have to support it by mandate. Theres no incentive to hold men down now and they just leave so easily while in other nations, that stuff dont fly.
If you can allow 2 men to marry, then as absurd as that is, dont see why men cant be mandated to marry 2 wives. That will solve the problem as all these single women can go to find hubbies. The US law needs to be modernized to deal with such realities versus rushing for unwed mothers and divorces, single never married women and kids with no daddies present etc. etc.
@Sparkle,
Brothas under 5’5 know all about the sistas hatred…
Michelle, thank you for your praise. Again, thank you.
I once took a college black history course and what I learned may help with this topic:
1) The class was mostly white. This means that those students have more knowledge of black history then many black folks. As an excuse, you might be thinking, those white students had money, like me, thus could affort that course. The fact is, I grew up in a housing project and had no money. What I had was common sense to take the course. Black History people don’t use the n-word because of knowledge not threat.
Partial Time N-word Background: The n-word was reborn in the record industry with rap music with money as the motive. Rap music is good. Identifing blacks with the n-word is another form of temptation. Only a fool steps in a trap they know about. So, everytime a black says the n-word it’s the “The Destruction of Black Civilization”. As an example, what would your confident level be if you were 35,000 feet in the air on a jetliner and the black pilot said the n-word? Black pilot confident would go down even if the pilot was excellent. Again destruction.
2) The course book title and author was The Destruction of Black Civilization, Dr Chancellor Williams.
Don’t take part in Self-Destructed Behavior. What other ethic group has the rebirth of a negative name?
brazil is also reknown for its high rate of poverty and prostitution. SO I dont know how much respect a man can have for a woman when he pays her for puddy. Additionally, dark brazilians experience racism over there……all places have their issues good and bad but…black women I wouldnt go run off and get that ticket just yet. LEaving America wont change a damn thing for black women. Black women must chnage their attitudes and views about themselves and bring themselves up to a standard that goes beyond babies and “gettin their hair and nails did”.
WE have perpetuated many of the rumors out about us. We must hold ourselves to high standards that stretch beyond clothes and money. Have some integrity and self respect. Being a bitch aint cute.
And to the person who commented about ppl copying black women. Races coopy races. WHile white women copy us by tanning, we copy them by coloring our hair and perming to get straight hair and weaves to get long hair. SO we copy them as much as they copy us. THe real reason why black women are single is because they act like they dont need anybody and MOST men need to feel needed by their women. IF you tell a man u can DO IT ALL ( lies) than what the hell do you need him for?
Black men who are ballers say they “like a woman that can do for herself” but the real men need to feel needed and women of other colors make a black man feel needed.
Black women can get married – if they leave or travel extensively outside of the US. It worked for me. I married a beautiful Brazilian a few years back and relocated to Rio de Janeiro.
The US is a very cruel hate-filled nation and the black woman bears the brunt of it. Every race loves to build themselves up at the expense of the black race. I got sick of hearing how ugly, ballbusting, loud, obese, etc, etc, etc, I was when I seldom found women of other races and nationalities to be that attractive.
Brazil did wonders for my esteem as a woman. Yes there is machismo here but the men here are wonderful. They lack that psychic cruelty and hatred of women that exists in most American men. Brazilian men LOVE women and treat you with much more respect. If black American women left the US I guarantee you 100% that your sense of self worth will soar once you leave that f-cked up land. Brazil has her problems but nothing like the bullshyt you put up with in the States.
There is also much more sisterhood among women in Brazil. Brazilian women are gorgeous and sexy and some of that has rubbed off on me. Americans are an evil and cruel group of people. I am not the only one to notice it. A lot of Europeans and Africans see the same shyt. Obrigada Brasil for giving me back my sense of humanity and self-worth as a beautiful black woman!!!!!!
I think Crystal makes some good points:
“Crystal says:
Monday, January 11, 2010 at 11:31 pm
How come we never hear about White people or any other race not marrying within there race? I refuse to think that black women are the only ones who have a issue that causes successful Black men to not want to marry them. I think the reason why so many successful black women aren’t married is because there afraid to date someone of another race. They feel like they will be letting there race down. “Love knows no color” trust me there are plenty of white, Spanish, Asian, Indian,Italian, etc….. out here that would love a sistah. The first thing black men want to preach about is the “Black Womans Attitude” that turns them off. Might i add there mothers probably had the same attitude when they were growing up and they didn’t have a problem with it. Thats a pretty lame excuse that needs to stop being used.”
Tammy makes some good points :
“Tammy says says:
Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 10:16 am” (pls look up).
Shellfish makes some VERY good points :
“Shellfish789 says:
Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 6:01 am ”
&
“Shellfish789 says:
Saturday, February 27, 2010 at 6:10 am”
KRAM makes some EXCELLENT points :
“Kram says:
Monday, March 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm”
(pls look up)
I was feeling this one too :
“Whasup says:
Thursday, June 17, 2010 at 9:48 am
Here is what matters. The more educated you are, the less any of this matters. Get your education and you will be attractive to a potential mate, whatever their skin color. Take care of yourself and keep yourself in shape mentally and physically, and you will attract someone like you, no matter your skin color. Don’t have kids unless you are ready for them, and then only if the other person is potentially a good parent. All so simple, but completely ignored. Who cares who athletes find attractive? If it helps his own notion of “status” to be with a woman of another race, then that is his issue. Don’t make it yours. Celebrity athletes live lives very different from the average person, and it screws up their head. So don’t use them as a measuring stick for anything except abnormality.”
People are SO twisted now overall, in ANY race- thanks to MEDIA cramming it down their throats like they’re WORTHLESS unless they have a CRAZY CELEBRITY LIFE or something!!
Most “regular” [people] do NOT want this. At all. But it is kind of like a POISON into the regular persons mentality.
PARTICULARLY the YOUTH too who grow up thinking those are the ONLY important things in life.
That being said, money DOES make the world go round (on a larger stage), as well.
the thing with many black women is this; they see OTHER races of women being given the “stars, moon & sky” by other races of men, by black men to other races of women…and you know what? I think, nowadays, THEY WANT THAT TOO. WHY NOT?? Why not them? Why EVERYBODY else, every other race of women MORE SO than them> ?
Does that seem fair?
Again, like so much else discussed, a bit of a generalization, BUT….
why CAN’T the black women be the PRINCESSES for once, with the big house, big rings, etc.? Why CAN’t they be the envied ones (yes, on a materialistic level)for ONCE. Why not?
I personally believe you can BE & HAVE all those things and STILL be an honest, humble person…
THAT is the mentality, I think, of this generation of black women.
I feel that way sometimes.
As a blk woman I feel this is an excellent post :
“Steart says:
Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 2:52 pm
As a non-black man I think the black community is still working out it’s role in the larger “white” society. As a conservative republican I don’t think that racial quotas, busing, and welfare, etc., has benefited the black community, especially the black male which has been boxed in, so to speak, by these “liberal” paternalistic attitudes. Which haven’t affected the black female as much, henceforth their higher rates of success. Black women are in a kind of cultural limbo, therefore. Also the black community places many taboos on dating white men. Black females are very wary of other black females’ attitudes and what they see as intimidation. They have told me that they try to force them into the “sister solidarity” attitude of us against the “white man’s world.” So it is hard for them to assimilate.”
SO VERY TRUE. SO EXTREMELEY FRUSTRATING.
Media is frustrating as well, depicting black women in videos to the MASSES, representing us as “Video Ho’s”, the men too, all being “represented” as “Hustlers”, “Drug Dealers”, etc.
The “average” black man/woman; THAT IS NOT THEIR REALITY. Never will be.
YET, NOW they have to fight day in and out against THOSE stereotypes of them.
Then you have the dummies who want to tell you there is something wrong with YOU because you DON’T want to be portrayed that way.
This is INFURIATING for the regular black person.
WAKE UP BLACK PEOPLE.
Thank You,
for the thread that seems (FINALLY) like A LOT more of a MATURE discussion then MANY other boards that are just HATE, white folks jumpin in just to be as foul as possible, blk folks 2.
This thread made me feel a little better, you know?
Just saying.
I found myself nodding in agreement, a few times, & some comments that stood out me were (pls scroll for posters comments) :
1.) Cherlyn Cooper says:
Monday, July 12, 2010 at 7:15 pm
I say: ***Thank you Cheryl. Just a beautiful sincere post. God Bless. ***
2.)Saturday, August 14, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Old saying –
“If you don’t stand for something you stand for anything”.
When another Black calls you the n-word where do you stand?
I carry Dr. King in me, do you?
ACTUALLY – I LOVED ALL of Lem’s Posts- PLEASE read them.
Lem- you are so wise.
If sistas gave good short brothers a chance the “not enough black men” issue would largely be solved. Even Baisden said sonething similar on his show, what I have been saying for YEARS.
Old saying –
“If you don’t stand for something you stand for anything”.
When another Black calls you the n-word where do you stand?
I carry Dr. King in me, do you?
Many of our Black people said the same thing:
Spike Lee – Movie “‘Do The Right Thing”
Sam Cooke – Song “A Change Is Gonna To Come”
Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees
Nikki Giovanni – Poet “How Niggers Going To Get Together Over Big Shit When Niggers Can’t Get Together Over Small Shit”
Bill Cosby – We have to start holding each other to a higher standard….
When you stab each other the back this you get.
Wakeup
There is no simple answer only complex answers.
I am a black male, not that it matters because everyone has a mind and feelings. I experience what Len experienced and agreed with him. I think the scope of this issue is much larger. Not to change topics, I feel it is more acceptable to hate blacks. I went on a major cruise line for 7 days twice and experience hate from all people. Specifically, I observed when blacks had jobs on the boat that was ok. However, when I was a passenger with a luxary cabin that was not acceptable. The point that I’m making is that black on black hate is acceptable and it should not be.
A major factor with black women is the “level playing field”. Everyone knows it is not level. A black women has two stikes against her
being black and being women. Succuss comes with a fight. Solution, black man understand the fight and black woman don’t fight your man.
Another big factor is mental health. This doesn’t have a color.
I believe you should date who ever brings joy to your life. The color of ones skin is a restriction for fools.
I date white men.
I date Hispanic men.
I date Asian men.
If a black man can step outside the race and date, why can’t I do the same.
As Big Momma used to say: What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
So, to all the sistah’s that have pigeoned holed themselves into waiting for Mr. Right in Black. Good Luck!
You need to take a good look at this website as an example of what our black men are doing. I blew the candle out for them a long time ago. Just as they did for us.
I REALLY liked your post and blog! It took me a minute bit to find your site…but I bookmarked it. Would you mind if I posted a link back to your post?
Lord, is you let me understand the “outside people person, there is day,” this sentence. Thank you!
Hi there, just wanted to leave a quick comment about the interface of your blog. It is really easy on the eye while also being catchy. I think I will do something similar for my blog as well. Thanks for the nice blog share.
my message to all of my sisters out here in this huge world of finding mr right,is just be your self and please do not worry about what someone else has to say about us as women of color because we have always had to be stronger than our other sisters outside of our race and that is the truth,with that in mind stay positive and keep what you have to say about someone positive as well. I have been married to a great black man for the past 35 years and we are still going strong, are there bad days yes but don’t live there and we still hold hands and have fun,keep looking you will find mr right when you stay positive. Cherlyn Cooper….Atlanta,GA.
The problem between black men and women start with the tone and tenor of this article. Black men are lumped together as criminal, unfit fathers, uneducated and unemployed so many educated black women do not even look at us. I am a masters educated black male yet I have never been able to get a black woman to even look at me. There has always been a presumption of my inferiority or my lack of desirability since I am a black man.
Sadly, from what I can see there seems to be no solution to this problem. Blame is being unfairly cast on both sides. Black women are portrayed as aggressive and domineering while black men are shown as cheaters, race traitors or unworthy. What we need is a changing of perceptions on both sides but failing that we are doomed to never be whole as a people again.
That is quite interesting. It provided me a number of ideas and I’ll be writing them on my web site shortly. I’m bookmarking your website and I’ll be back again. Thanks again!
Here is what matters for the average person. The more educated you are, the less any of this matters. Get your education and you will be attractive to a potential mate, whatever their skin color. Take care of yourself and keep yourself in shape mentally and physically, and you will attract someone like you, no matter your skin color. Don’t have kids unless you are ready for them, and then only if the other person is potentially a good parent. All so simple, but completely ignored. Who cares who athletes find attractive? If it helps his own notion of “status” to be with a woman of another race, then that is his issue. Don’t make it yours. Celebrity athletes live lives very different from the average person, and it screws up their head. So don’t use them as a measuring stick for anything except abnormality.
Here is what matters. The more educated you are, the less any of this matters. Get your education and you will be attractive to a potential mate, whatever their skin color. Take care of yourself and keep yourself in shape mentally and physically, and you will attract someone like you, no matter your skin color. Don’t have kids unless you are ready for them, and then only if the other person is potentially a good parent. All so simple, but completely ignored. Who cares who athletes find attractive? If it helps his own notion of “status” to be with a woman of another race, then that is his issue. Don’t make it yours. Celebrity athletes live lives very different from the average person, and it screws up their head. So don’t use them as a measuring stick for anything except abnormality.
black females cannot find a good man because the majority are welfare queens, stubborn, and atheists, they say they believe in god but they are devils and dont do nothing but talk about everybody else. this is coming from a black female and i cannot stand most, just too slimy for me i am not typical
This made me smile and hopefully after your last post it will do the same for you:
Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw. 🙂
I said once before and I’ll keep on saying it….”A person who REALLY knows, loves, and respects his/her culture and its history would NEVER want to LEAVE his/her culture.”
Keep’in It Real
black women have come to the conclusion that all they need is a degree, a good job, good credit and they don’t need anything from a man but sex. (i need a thug) they do this for several years then realize one day that they are single….of all these successful black women if you took a survey i bet a mass major of them have at least one absent fatherless child. ps
interracial mating is a SIN….. we are all human beings as all cats, dogs, pigs and horses are animals but they are even smart enough not to mate each other. GOD put a male and female of each animal on noah’s ark for a reason!!!
i am a black female and i think people should marry whoever they feel they have a lot in common with or fall in love with not with who has the same skin color, however i feel it is unnecessary for black males or females in interracial relationships to orally demoralize one another’s character because you only make yourself look like an idiot at the end of the day because a lot of interracial relationships did not end on positive terms
I think the issue here is about numbers, there are clearly more black women than men. Its too easy to lay the blame on the black women for being in your face or on the black man for being deadbeat. I see nothing wrong with Interracial marriages. The one advise I would give every single black woman out there is to have realistic expectations while seeking a life partner.These problem is same in every society even in africa (am a Nigerian male) where we are predominantly black, u hear many cases of African men marrying other races once they get to Europe &America.
The problem is blk men are falling for the okey dokey.The media is pitting us up against each other.And for all this interracial dating the blk men are being caught red handed cheating on their nonblack wives.The problem is we’re giving the white man and the rest of the world that secretely hate blk people what they want.OUR EXTINCTION.If a blk man can’t stand up to his own woman how can he protect you against your oppressor.They can’t because they don’t know how and the cowards rather fit in than stand up and build up their people and communities.Our amcestors are turning in their graves.These people were murdered because of the color of their skin and this is how we repay them.Most blk women are doing better than avarage when it comes to income and education.Blk men want to feel babied and needed.WHAT!! find your own way.Because if a woman has to wear the pants that means you aren’t doing your job.If the prision system open the prison doors the ratio for blk men and women would be equal but this system was built on dividing blks in the first place.Unfortunately the sistah’s are left with the weak blk men because the rebellious warriors are locked up.So when everything is all said and dumb blk people are dying off and it would be what we deserve.PEACE!
As a non-black man I think the black community is still working out it’s role in the larger “white” society. As a conservative republican I don’t think that racial quotas, busing, and welfare, etc., has benefited the black community, especially the black male which has been boxed in, so to speak, by these “liberal” paternalistic attitudes. Which haven’t affected the black female as much, henceforth their higher rates of success. Black women are in a kind of cultural limbo, therefore. Also the black community places many taboos on dating white men. Black females are very wary of other black females’ attitudes and what they see as intimidation. They have told me that they try to force them into the “sister solidarity” attitude of us against the “white man’s world.” So it is hard for them to assimilate.
@ must be a joke: I second that notion….well said….
@ Jay (the non-black man) I am african american. Female at that and I am well educated. Since you said “Black women, on the other hand, tend to be larger, much less attractive… (your opinion not mine)”, then you wouldn’t have a problem with me saying that white men tend to be smaller and much more incompetent…(my opinion, not yours).If you find a offense to what I just said, then maybe you would think before you speak the next time….Then too, maybe you stated your opinion because of a more personal prespective…Perhaps you really desire a sista and your “incompetence” stands in the way…I tell you what, the next time you see a sista that you think, in your opinion have a negative attitude, ask her what’s the problem. I promise, one of two things will happen: She may sit down and tell you her life story OR kick your ass for salt to her painful day. Look at it this way, either way, you will definately feel her pain, lol….
I disagree with the white man who feel like black women are too negative, big, and uneducated. Whether you be a white woman, or any other color, the degree of education is about the same. White women tend to get ahead because of their color not because they are more educated. they tend to have the edge because most companies are ran by white men. As for being large, do your homework, the majority of big women are white. Also, let’s go back in history. White men had to rape a sista back in the day because of their sexiness. (slavery for instance). Couldn’t get them without raping them. Black women have more curves. As you can see, white women tend to use the butt pads,and implants in their breast because they don’t have the body that a black woman have. You must have been rejected by one. You just can’t handle a black woman like a white woman. They’d probably would beat your ass. You are not strong enough mentally or sexually for them based on your comments. Be a real man and step your game up. White women are too easy. Weak brothers bother with white women and they get the the trailer park trash in return. They use their bodies to seduce the small minded men like yourself. And don’t get it twisted. I like all colors because all races have the same issues. But, don’t degrade a sista because of your uneducated ass. It takes a real man to handle a sista. You don’t fit the bill. And one last thing Mr. Educated; (sooo) is not a word. and learn how to proofread. (exceptions). Stop thinking with your little brain. Use extenze to increase your vocabulary instead of using it to increase your penis. This is for all men no matter what color you are. Ignorance is not a trend.
Well I typically stay away from this silly conversation but I will add to the fray just a little. Let’s ignore the issues that transpired in the peace like how many black men are in the “justice” system. We all know or should know why now and this conversation is merely the evidence. See this matter exist for the same reason that white slave masters raped our mothers and grandmothers to make sure that we never become a whole people. Lock the black man up take away his ability to provide or just outright oppress him then his weak woman will fold to her natural desire to bare a child without regard to preservation of her own race. Now I am no raciest so if you’re down with the swirl for righteous reasons- you are fully aware of your history and LOVE overrides the collective history, then fine do your thing. I happen to believe that there are times when ignorance/innocence is the only way a doomed educated population/race can be saved. If you look at the increase in children being born to teenagers that are both black and “uneducated” it’s higher than those in the demographic of the peace. I want to say something else. I don’t want to disparage Mr. Harvey because he is just another symptom of the real issue and rightly or wrongly has a platform for exploiting the situation for profit. Oprah has many disciples like this and well money is a powerful thing. I wonder what would happen if these folks spent more time talking about all the things that make black people in the US a viable race that is totally in love with each other. Who said that an “educated” woman is a better woman? Look at our mothers and grandmothers and what they built without this so called refinement and education. How about no debt, lifelong marriages, multiple children, family, community and respect on a global scale. Today’s black women “many of them” must have a large diamond ring, house etc that most will not keep. I want to further describe the reprobate mentality that I have experienced. I have seen women who actually believe that loving a DOG is akin to that of a child or who would rather treat one with more respect than they would ever afford a black man. It’s sad and well the authors of our demise must be dancing in the halls of contentment. Ok that’s enough from me but really I would much rather have a substantive conversation about the ability to go forward not the trappings that keep us moving down a path of demise. This however would require the exceptance of things like love, submission, trust, honor, respect, friendship. NOT MONEY, STATUS, ARROGANCE, CARNALITY; Etc.
Best regards,
Kramnmik@yahoo.com
Look to me, it is simple. I am not a black male first of all. There are sooo many beautiful white, asian, latina, and indian women out there. These women are beautiful physically and also have beautiful and feminine personalities. Black women, on the other hand, tend to be larger, much less attractive, and to boot usually have negative personalities. Add to that that the average black women is far less educated and cultured, then you have your answer. Granted, there are excpetions, but they are very rare.
Good day! I would like it to be known that not all black men who marry outside of they’re race are sellouts or hate themselves. I am a black man who’s is married to a woman who’s not black. We have 2 beautiful children, a great marriage, and I would not change any of it. Know that I do not hate myself, I’m not rich, and I DO NOT hate my race. I cannot hate anyone who looks like my parents, however it’s unfortunate that some brothers and sisters do hate themselves for whatever reason. In my humble opinion it doesn’t matter if we are married to black women or any other race it is our responsibility as black men to break this cycle of being absent fathers, getting locked up in jail, and not finishing high school! We spend so much time trying to point the finger at something that’s really not that important that we forget about children who need us to show them right from wrong. There are some of us brothers out here who still believe in love. If you love someone unconditionally and in turn that love is given back does it really matter what they look like? There are some brothers out here married to women outside our race that still believe in love, honor, and trust. Without those key elements no relationship will work no matter the races involved.
I think that there has been an overall breakdown between black men and black women: EUROPEAN CULTURE!! We base our standards on so many diverse things that we have trouble meeting a common ground. Our mothers and fathers made us and raised us out of love. Not about how much money we made–or our credit score. I love sisters that’s the only way to go for me!! We have to keep the faith we each other.
thank you black women! most of them(black men) think when they become famous that they have to have a white or asian or latina on their arm to go with the flo, u know, to look good. they always get burned too. they are sick men and they hate themselves cuz they are black or mixed, after all this time they still dont get it! they think they are too good for a black woman to be on their arm! yes! you all think that u are getting better with them dont u? yes u do! arogant pricks is what they are! and I wouldnt give them the pleasure of me looking at them! and i am a white woman and i am not blind! black women u go girl because u are far better than them that do that!
Tammy…it is sad….Black men have been Brain washed…and they are paying a BIG price for going with these White women….you see…Black men want their cake and eat it too….they want to go BUCK WILD and expect Black women to “Go alone with this”…White, Asian, and non-Black women will go alone with this…and they have become use to going Buck Wild and having their cake and eating it too…so they complain about Black women as if something is wrong with us……it’s not US…it’s THEM wanting to have their way, Run Wild, Be on the DL, have 12 baby mommas, and expecting the woman not to complain….other races don’t complain….Black women will “Make you pack you bags, show you the door, change the lock and curse you out”…….
First of all….every time you read something about Black women is negative, but still you have other races trying to imitate us and get like us…so, something is wrong with that picture……
Most Black women have a lot class and will not stoop low and do immorally things like other races of women for a “Buck”…..you see other races can go nude on TV, make Sextapes, get drunk, use drugs and still work and get endorsements……..but society hold Black women in a different light and rules…you see….Black women (according to society) can’t make mistakes or they will be punish severely…..and one other reason Black women are not marring is because they are not going to put up with Trashy men (rich or poor)….with major issues……White, Asian, and other races will put up with the MADNESS and collect at the end…….lastly, Black men have been brain washed to go against and belittle Black women….and hold other races on a pedestal….and they get “Burnt” all the time with these women…some of them even loose their career, loose lots of money and sometimes their lives messing with these “TRASHY-Low-Class” white women…and Black men keep going back for more……making a fool out of themselves and loosing their women to other races of men…….Most Black women I know are married to other races of men…because Some of the Black men have major issues, and are cruel …and nice to other women……..so we go else where….Society are always trying to put Black women down…but then they are constantly trying to be like black women….they get injection in their lips, hips, and they go tan their skin, Perm their hair, they try to imitate Black women swag and talk…so it seem to me that their some jealousy here…….
Sick and tired of hearing black women get put down by black men…”Too much attitude”, “doesn’t know how to be a wife”…BS…I know a lot of black women with no attitude. I think we have started seeing ourselves through the eyes of the ‘majority’ and it’s just disgusting. I agree that we as black women need to broaden our horizons or “excercise our options” as Chris Rock put it because black men are doing so with no qualms. In fact, some even don’t date black women. So, mathematically it just won’t add up if black women refuse to date outside their race.
It’s said what Im hearing from our black men; speaking as if black women are the problem. I am a black women married to a beautiful chocolate man and wouldn’t have it any other way. We have been married for 15 years. We’ve had this discussion about black love; or lack of and have come to three conclusions. First, their are two problems, black men and black women. Brothers aren’t living up to their societal responsibilities. Look in any black neighborhood, hell check out your families (brothas). Too many black men are abandoning babies left and right. Also, from what I can see our women have been trained since the beginning of time to support ourselves, hence the number of single parent homes with women as head of household. You don’t see white men maken babies in record numbers and failing to care for them. It’s said blacks have no sense of family. The other problem is our women, because we don’t trust our men (with good reason) we don’t know how to open our hearts to a man. Trust me it took me a while to grasp what a good man represents, because I had no good male role model to compare. Ladies, sometimes you have to do what I did and let your guard down. Give a brotha a chance, because love takes work, therefore, it will take time to find the right one, but broaden your horizons. MR. RIGHT may not be the black man you seek. Brothas don’t seem to have a problem jumping ship when they make some money, so you shouldn’t have to settle and wait for your black man to come along. Until then, you keep being strong for your families, no one else is.
P.S. Brothas need to recognize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Just look at Tiger Woods situation. His wife hasn’t wasted one minute bailing on him and who’s got his back? That’s just a rhetorical!
How come we never hear about White people or any other race not marrying within there race? I refuse to think that black women are the only ones who have a issue that causes successful Black men to not want to marry them. I think the reason why so many successful black women aren’t married is because there afraid to date someone of another race. They feel like they will be letting there race down. “Love knows no color” trust me there are plenty of white, Spanish, Asian, Indian,Italian, etc….. out here that would love a sistah. The first thing black men want to preach about is the “Black Womans Attitude” that turns them off. Might i add there mothers probably had the same attitude when they were growing up and they didn’t have a problem with it. Thats a pretty lame excuse that needs to stop being used.
I think the reason why we are having this debate is fear, and when you have people saying they don’t need one another, then something is wrong, how did we all arrive in this world and make the world go round, because we do need one another. When will the black man and woman stop fighting each other, that’s what the problem is, otherwise those that are professionals, wouldn’t be battling for overall control and work together for the common good of the relationship and the community, because the young are watching and copy every move. Love has no colour, and if a brother wants any woman, as long as they love each other, there is no problem with that, love is unconditional, yet I feel that we have become too materialistic, and instead of reforming character, we generalise and put down women and men, who are trying to be different. Also the homes are not what we think they are, so there’s another pattern developing there. Money don’t love no one, when you die, it looks for someone else to spend them, remember that, and then both black males and females will learn that love is the key.
As a 54 year old black man, I can only speak from my own experiences. I believe many young professional black women have missed the overall picture. Black men, need to feel needed. If a woman is the bread winner, makes most of the decisions, and is quick to tell a man that she can do bad all by herself, then a man will feel unnecessary and not needed. I do international business and have dated professional women. One was a dentist, the other a chemical engineer, both are now in their 40’s and still hoping to get married. In my travels, I met a beautiful under 35 year old south african lady who is not a professional, but knows how to be a wife. Many woman know how to make and manage their finances, but when it comes to knowing how to be a wife, they are lost. BTW, I do plan to marry the young lady from SA. I’m sure many of those single women have been told that they are too confrontational by a black man. I think it will get worse before it gets any better. Take a look at the women a lot of these celebrities date and marry. Many don’t have the same level of education many professional black women have but look at their lives. Kobe, Jordan, Barkely, Tiger, Simmons, Poitier, the Tabo guy, Chappell and many others could have found a professional black woman, but why didn’t they. Please don’t think it’s all about money either, because on the flip side, Oprah does not have enough money for me to even consider marrying her. What part does society play in how black people look at each other when it comes to who we date and marry?
I think that black women are single and are going to continue to be single because of a lack of character, both within themselves and black men. I am a black man who has lived in europe aswell as africa and everything we as blacks do to one another is counter-productive. As sad as interracial relationships look (and feel)they will continue to rise because blacks are to wise when dealing with each other.
Black women start accommodating (sensible, normal, avg income earning, avg height, and good guy aura) black men that you will love for his inefficiencies, and he will most likely reciprocate that treatment back to you. If you are only polite and sweet with white men, and hard on the brothas what other results do you expect(if you desire to settle down with a black man). Let him know you need him (emotionally) and he will up his game. Also, be aggressive in a discreet way, show him you are worth your salt and fight your man (not physically), most brothas will find this very sexy. Most of us do not feel needed, so we take a cavalier approach to y’all. White women for instance make whom ever they are with (in some cases) feel appreciated and wanted.
So, if your strategy aint working (which it clearly is not)change it up.
This is an age old argument but you know this, every black men deep down wants a black women, but its because of too much “BLACK SASS” that breaks the deal. Think about it, and keep the faith!
P.S. Black men, you guys have to also start handling your business, AND ONE WOMAN. It really only takes two.